Sunday, 1 July 2012

Verbal Violence: Quarterfinals

This tournament consists of eight of the greatest verbal heavyweights in our sport engaging in verbal violence, a competition that only really exists and makes sense in my head. Bouts will be judged on such things as the ability to use puns effectively, swearing, and actually pointing out things that are interesting in a fight. Points may be deducted for unwarranted hyperbole, useless information and ignoring the fighters to talk about people in the crowd, Randy Couture's new movie, etc.  

Mike Goldberg (UFC) vs Micheal Schiavello (HDnet)

The first quarter final sees the UFC's Mike Goldberg take on the well travelled Australian Micheal Schiavello. While Goldberg has been tried and tested on the biggest stage, Schiavello has valuable international experience, having said “Goodnight Irene” very loudly all over the world.

Round 1:
The round begins with both fighters tentatively but dutifully describing the action, in spite of the action consisting mostly of feints and leg kicks. Goldie hands Schiavello an easy opening saying “Anderson Silva like in his use of the clinch is Fabricio Werdum, Joe”, but Schiavello fails to capitalise by pointing out that no, he isn't.